If that's really true, then it can't just be about him. If it was then your soul wouldn't be in turmoil any longer. It's the same as with your desire to atone, when you told me the outside reassurances that you did nothing wrong don't help you.
Do you have any idea yet of what could help you though? If you seek atonement, you need to consider the tools you must obtain to reach it.
I don’t understand why I must make it so hard for myself. I’m surrounded by people who want to help me, and methods to do it, but I can’t make any of it work.
It’s not how I should be thinking, though. I know that.
I understand how you feel. It's different, but it reminds me of my troubles with my sealing power. No matter how much time I spent attempting to unlock it, it never did. No matter how many people encouraged me, pressured me, practiced with me, I never was able to manage.
When it finally did unlock, it was in a moment of true desperation. When I thought I was about to lose everything in my life, because I was.
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Is this the only reason you've begun to doubt, or is there more to it? You've always been so sure about your decision before.
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A part of me knew this before, but I think I rely on him too much. I rely on everyone too much, because I want them to fix my problems for me.
Speaking to you is the only thing that seems to work for me, because you keep me on task. But what happens when I can’t speak to you anymore?
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I just want to believe in my own power.
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If you don't mind the question, where do you think your dependency on others comes from?
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I don’t think I’ve been “right” since I lost my brother. Even now that he’s back, that emptiness isn’t getting any fuller.
[ at least he’s candid about it! ]
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Do you have any idea yet of what could help you though? If you seek atonement, you need to consider the tools you must obtain to reach it.
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I don’t understand why I must make it so hard for myself. I’m surrounded by people who want to help me, and methods to do it, but I can’t make any of it work.
It’s not how I should be thinking, though. I know that.
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I understand how you feel. It's different, but it reminds me of my troubles with my sealing power. No matter how much time I spent attempting to unlock it, it never did. No matter how many people encouraged me, pressured me, practiced with me, I never was able to manage.
When it finally did unlock, it was in a moment of true desperation. When I thought I was about to lose everything in my life, because I was.
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It’s possible that I’m simply not committed enough. My heart aches, but maybe I’ve gotten too complaisant.
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It sounds terrible, but you're not alone. The struggle is remembering you weren't always like this.
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Thank you, Zelda. You’ve given me some things to think about.