[A real, actual letter. It seems to be written with a quill that writes in in his color, in very neat cursive.]
Zelda,
Before I get to anything else, I want you to know that this is an apology, but it isn't an attempt to excuse my own behavior. I did something wrong and made you uncomfortable, and I wasn't able to stop that. It was my fault.
The fairy wings we received as a quest reward have spells attached to them if you touch them with your bare hands. Apparently, when I started messing with them while we were talking, I found the one that had a spell that changed my emotions. My mind was cloudy, and I couldn't remember anyone else in the town. It was some sort of charm spell. I thought you deserved to know the reasoning behind it, at the very least.
You have every right to be angry, or to hate me. I'm not expecting forgiveness or even a response. I just want you to know that I'm sorry, and that it won't happen again. I want you to know that the start of what we were talking about was still me. I knew we were friends.
But I won't bother you again, unless you need something, or for business.
- Ichinose
[For a guy that's always so brash in how he speaks, and never likes admitting to feelings, it's probably a strange sounding letter. It's honestly embarrassing. All of it is shameful. She heard things... that he'd normally only say to others. Only two others. But, eventually, he slips this where only she will find it, labeled very clearly with her name.]
[ at first she doesn't even want to read it. she gets the letter of course, and opens it not knowing what it is, but after the first line it's obvious who it comes from. she folds it up and puts it where it can't even peak out.
the past days after what happened were spent with her typical routine, but in the evening she found herself trapped in prayer in the church. to live with hatred in the heart is simply toxic. it rots away at the self, festers until nothing is left, and for what? so she prayed that she could release the anger safely, and find a way to at least be amicable with him, even if they won't be friends. for the sake of the greater good, she can cast aside these feelings.
yet she also prayed for dextera, who was surely damaged by thoughtless words. many times she started a message to him about what guren did, but cowardice stalled her hand from sending it out. she wonders if she should continue spiritual guidance with him, feeling too compromised now. though she does not blame herself for guren's insensitive actions, her heart is in pain when she thinks of dextera and that she played a role in it. she can let go of anger - she's never been good at letting go of sorrow. it is her closest ally and greatest enemy.
when the day finally draws to a close, and her routine is complete, she decides to pull the letter out to read. her hands shake and it partly crumbles because she grips it so hard. she doesn't even remember him doing anything with the wings now; the only parts of that conversation fresh in her mind being their discussion of his demon, his confession, and then slapping him. and though she touched her own wings out of curiosity, the blurriness of memories and the anger and the sadness all colluded to never draw a conclusion that he was compromised in those moments. ]
[ it's about a day after she finally sends a message. she retypes it a few times.
one message is asking why he just didn't explain this sooner, and save her the time wallowing in anger and sorrow. how can a man be so socially inept as to not do that much? another one is a request to give him a swift punch in the gut and he's not allowed to dodge or she'll seal him with her power so he can't move. another one just asks if he's ok and if dextera is ok. she hopes they're ok, because if she spent all that time praying for them and they're not then they'll both be sorry. mostly she just doesn't want them to suffer over this.
instead she'll just stick with the simple things: ]
[A message from Zelda. He stares at it for a good while, not knowing what to think. Of course, he's a little bit relieved, selfishly, but at the same time, he doesn't understand it. It wasn't an excuse. He should have known better than to fidget with things. He should have been able to resist it. Didn't he train for things like this? All his life?
Ugh. Eventually, he sits down to write back.]
I'm almost afraid what would happen if I tried. But don't worry, I found out it doesn't work if you touch it with gloves, and I'm keeping it out of the way. The others I've gotten, too.
[ a wing that can do that sort of thing to anyone shouldn't even exist, not even for research purposes. keeping it out of the way doesn't solve the problem. if her seal did some effect on the fairies, she may be able to just burn it to a crisp.
(it's not even really about what guren wants to do or not, she just hates that wing, and hates these quest rewards. a useless reward would be better than this.) ]
I'm replying because I want to, not out of some obligation. I read your letter, now you have to read mine.
[That's a fair way to think. He's just clinging to every desperate idea or clue that might hold some way of helping them get out of here. But hm, that last part.]
[ good. she'll take some time to write though, so he gets to wait while she finishes it up. not much longer than fifteen or so minutes before she posts: ]
Guren,
Throughout my life I was made to undergo spiritual training for a plethora of reasons. One of these reasons was to learn the act of forgiveness. To let go of the hatred we invite into our hearts, for hatred is a toxin that corrodes the soul. It does not grant power, it takes away. It does not grant wisdom, only consumes it. And it does not grant courage, for true bravery is in overcoming the things that make us weak.
Your actions that day shocked and upset me. It had less to do with any confessions, and more to do with the act of betrayal. To our friendship yes, but more importantly to the person who loves you. I was able to forgive what you did to me with relative ease. The sorrow and pain of the second half has been my struggle. I believe I can now summon the power of the trinity the guide me on the path to letting it go, and I thank you for that. I am relieved to understand the context of yours actions and see that day in a clearer light.
Now, I have a request for you. If you still hold hatred in your heart over what happened to you in those moments, I ask you process it and let it go as well. It will only make you weak to carry it around. I can forgive you for what you did. I am sure Dextera can too if he has not already. But none of that will matter if you do not forgive yourself.
Do not disgrace us both again by not committing yourself.
[It's hard to get into all of the religious stuff when he was born into a cult. A cult beneath another cult in a whole society of cult magic, really. But he understands what it means to Zelda. And even if he's purposefully rude in some ways, he'd never criticize her beliefs. They're only guiding her forward.]
I told him right after you left that day. That's not the sort of thing I keep to myself. He was upset, but he said he forgives me, and told me that I had to forgive myself, too. We're doing just fine. Stronger than ever.
Still, it's easier to say that I will forgive myself than to actually do it, you know. I've never been real good at that. I'm responsible for a lot of horrible things, so it just feels like I'm adding to it, or I'm too weak— too far from where I want to be.
But I'm trying.
[Ugh, he hates talking seriously about this stuff. It's embarrassing. He hopes she realizes that it's rare!!!]
[ yes, she knows. she'll take what she can before he goes back to pissing her off for fun. she is glad to know he admitted it so soon though, even if it means now she spent days in her own turmoil. it's not about her, but this letter is really late to make her actually feel better. ]
Well of course it's easy to do all those things. Easy to hate yourself, to pity, to say things and never do them. No one is constantly strong and are all immune to the weakness that lurks inside our hearts. The voice in our head that tells us we are pathetic, that we are undeserving, and that we should give up. It's our voice, but warped with malice.
If you say in this moment that you are trying, then good. Try. Keep trying. For the moment you give up, that is when you have lost to yourself. And I believe you can do it because you're my friend, and I know you are stronger than that treacherous voice. So believe in yourself and in those who believe in you.
[She's as sweet as always. He could go into detail, but it compromises the safety of too many people. Yuu showed up here. Who knows who else could. He doesn't want the lives of his friends wasting away because someone opens their mouth on accident. So, still, he can't share anything.
But they're separate issues, anyway. She's right, but before he can properly forgive himself, he has to check how much he really ruined this.]
[ she thinks that one slap is good enough for his memory, and hers. and he's beaten himself up over this, so she'll just let that count and not kick the down dog. ]
Tell you what. We'll go back to being friends. However you have to be more honest with me about how you actually feel, instead of doing your machismo act where you pretend like you're above caring about anything.
It's really bad by the way, absolutely no one is fooled.
[ it's called being a tsundere, but she doesn't know what that is. ]
[Ugh, he's never had to spell this out before, and that's bad enough...]
I'm not going to burden you or anyone else with that. If you want to know how I feel, then just understand what I'm doing with my actions.
[He's such an emotional person, in the end. If people knew how he felt all the time, any friend would be sad to see how much he's suffering. He won't share that. He can't share that.]
You're very lucky I have experience in doing that already with the man I love. You just so happen to be a far more exhausting version of him, so nicely done.
[ she feels she should at least admit this much. maybe just so guren understands better what she meant when she (thankfully) turned him down. and maybe so he understands why gets angry with him sometimes when he constantly keeps bringing up reminders of someone else in her heart. ]
Oh please don't feel bad! Look, my point is all you stalwart soldiers are the same. You're a lot like him because you're both so typical, but also not so different at your core
It's not just one person either. Here, read this impression. I've collected a lot of material over the years.
"As a brave knight, I cannot show my true feelings and burden others with them. I'm brave and tough and everyone is counting on me, so I must never fall below their expectations. To do that I must be like the steel I wield, never flinching, always ready to strike. I'm a very special man you see so I must be this way without flaw!"
Am I close?
[ she could probably do an entire routine of this bad act. but mostly she just wants to get over this incident and he always makes fun of her, so she may as well do the same to him. ]
Anyway, since you're not going to be genuine with me, then I think you absolutely owe me that outing I spoke with you about before. No getting out of it. You and I are going to round up every person we can, and we're all going into the woods, and we're all going to bond, and we WILL become stronger for it!
Yeah. We'll all have a great time in that death trap of a forest.
Don't worry, I'm not trying to get out of it. But seriously, maybe you should reconsider calling me a friend. If you had to think about it, especially. It's not worth the headaches, you can ask anyone.
Did I just get an affirmative answer out of you? My, my. Maybe we are making real progress for a change instead of you being roundabout. I'm impressed.
[ and not "love under duress" progress, actual true progress. maybe it was worth having her week ruined after all! ]
Bye friend of mine! Yes, that's right fool, we're still friends.
For no matter how deeply infuriating you are as a person, you are also a good man at your core. In my eternal patience I can forgive your transgressions because I recognize your guilt and therefore your true nature. It's just the sort of person I was raised to be you see!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
letter; a few days to a week after the Incident
Zelda,
Before I get to anything else, I want you to know that this is an apology, but it isn't an attempt to excuse my own behavior. I did something wrong and made you uncomfortable, and I wasn't able to stop that. It was my fault.
The fairy wings we received as a quest reward have spells attached to them if you touch them with your bare hands. Apparently, when I started messing with them while we were talking, I found the one that had a spell that changed my emotions. My mind was cloudy, and I couldn't remember anyone else in the town. It was some sort of charm spell. I thought you deserved to know the reasoning behind it, at the very least.
You have every right to be angry, or to hate me. I'm not expecting forgiveness or even a response. I just want you to know that I'm sorry, and that it won't happen again. I want you to know that the start of what we were talking about was still me. I knew we were friends.
But I won't bother you again, unless you need something, or for business.
- Ichinose
[For a guy that's always so brash in how he speaks, and never likes admitting to feelings, it's probably a strange sounding letter. It's honestly embarrassing. All of it is shameful. She heard things... that he'd normally only say to others. Only two others. But, eventually, he slips this where only she will find it, labeled very clearly with her name.]
1/2
the past days after what happened were spent with her typical routine, but in the evening she found herself trapped in prayer in the church. to live with hatred in the heart is simply toxic. it rots away at the self, festers until nothing is left, and for what? so she prayed that she could release the anger safely, and find a way to at least be amicable with him, even if they won't be friends. for the sake of the greater good, she can cast aside these feelings.
yet she also prayed for dextera, who was surely damaged by thoughtless words. many times she started a message to him about what guren did, but cowardice stalled her hand from sending it out. she wonders if she should continue spiritual guidance with him, feeling too compromised now. though she does not blame herself for guren's insensitive actions, her heart is in pain when she thinks of dextera and that she played a role in it. she can let go of anger - she's never been good at letting go of sorrow. it is her closest ally and greatest enemy.
when the day finally draws to a close, and her routine is complete, she decides to pull the letter out to read. her hands shake and it partly crumbles because she grips it so hard. she doesn't even remember him doing anything with the wings now; the only parts of that conversation fresh in her mind being their discussion of his demon, his confession, and then slapping him. and though she touched her own wings out of curiosity, the blurriness of memories and the anger and the sadness all colluded to never draw a conclusion that he was compromised in those moments. ]
#03B2F7
one message is asking why he just didn't explain this sooner, and save her the time wallowing in anger and sorrow. how can a man be so socially inept as to not do that much?
another one is a request to give him a swift punch in the gut and he's not allowed to dodge or she'll seal him with her power so he can't move.
another one just asks if he's ok and if dextera is ok. she hopes they're ok, because if she spent all that time praying for them and they're not then they'll both be sorry. mostly she just doesn't want them to suffer over this.
instead she'll just stick with the simple things: ]
You better have destroyed that wing.
[ hello again. ]
no subject
Ugh. Eventually, he sits down to write back.]
I'm almost afraid what would happen if I tried. But don't worry, I found out it doesn't work if you touch it with gloves, and I'm keeping it out of the way. The others I've gotten, too.
I told you you didn't have to reply.
no subject
[ a wing that can do that sort of thing to anyone shouldn't even exist, not even for research purposes. keeping it out of the way doesn't solve the problem. if her seal did some effect on the fairies, she may be able to just burn it to a crisp.
(it's not even really about what guren wants to do or not, she just hates that wing, and hates these quest rewards. a useless reward would be better than this.) ]
I'm replying because I want to, not out of some obligation. I read your letter, now you have to read mine.
no subject
I know. I'm reading, so go ahead.
no subject
Guren,
Throughout my life I was made to undergo spiritual training for a plethora of reasons. One of these reasons was to learn the act of forgiveness. To let go of the hatred we invite into our hearts, for hatred is a toxin that corrodes the soul. It does not grant power, it takes away. It does not grant wisdom, only consumes it. And it does not grant courage, for true bravery is in overcoming the things that make us weak.
Your actions that day shocked and upset me. It had less to do with any confessions, and more to do with the act of betrayal. To our friendship yes, but more importantly to the person who loves you. I was able to forgive what you did to me with relative ease. The sorrow and pain of the second half has been my struggle. I believe I can now summon the power of the trinity the guide me on the path to letting it go, and I thank you for that. I am relieved to understand the context of yours actions and see that day in a clearer light.
Now, I have a request for you. If you still hold hatred in your heart over what happened to you in those moments, I ask you process it and let it go as well. It will only make you weak to carry it around. I can forgive you for what you did. I am sure Dextera can too if he has not already. But none of that will matter if you do not forgive yourself.
Do not disgrace us both again by not committing yourself.
-Zelda
no subject
I told him right after you left that day. That's not the sort of thing I keep to myself. He was upset, but he said he forgives me, and told me that I had to forgive myself, too. We're doing just fine. Stronger than ever.
Still, it's easier to say that I will forgive myself than to actually do it, you know. I've never been real good at that. I'm responsible for a lot of horrible things, so it just feels like I'm adding to it, or I'm too weak— too far from where I want to be.
But I'm trying.
[Ugh, he hates talking seriously about this stuff. It's embarrassing. He hopes she realizes that it's rare!!!]
no subject
Well of course it's easy to do all those things. Easy to hate yourself, to pity, to say things and never do them. No one is constantly strong and are all immune to the weakness that lurks inside our hearts. The voice in our head that tells us we are pathetic, that we are undeserving, and that we should give up. It's our voice, but warped with malice.
If you say in this moment that you are trying, then good. Try. Keep trying. For the moment you give up, that is when you have lost to yourself. And I believe you can do it because you're my friend, and I know you are stronger than that treacherous voice. So believe in yourself and in those who believe in you.
no subject
But they're separate issues, anyway. She's right, but before he can properly forgive himself, he has to check how much he really ruined this.]
Do you think you'd call me a friend? Right now?
no subject
Could I hit you once more before I make up my mind?
[ she's......... joking. yes, she's joking, she's decided. ]
no subject
I wouldn't stop you.
no subject
[ she thinks that one slap is good enough for his memory, and hers. and he's beaten himself up over this, so she'll just let that count and not kick the down dog. ]
Tell you what. We'll go back to being friends. However you have to be more honest with me about how you actually feel, instead of doing your machismo act where you pretend like you're above caring about anything.
It's really bad by the way, absolutely no one is fooled.
[ it's called being a tsundere, but she doesn't know what that is. ]
no subject
I'm not going to burden you or anyone else with that. If you want to know how I feel, then just understand what I'm doing with my actions.
[He's such an emotional person, in the end. If people knew how he felt all the time, any friend would be sad to see how much he's suffering. He won't share that. He can't share that.]
no subject
You're very lucky I have experience in doing that already with the man I love. You just so happen to be a far more exhausting version of him, so nicely done.
[ she feels she should at least admit this much. maybe just so guren understands better what she meant when she (thankfully) turned him down. and maybe so he understands why gets angry with him sometimes when he constantly keeps bringing up reminders of someone else in her heart. ]
no subject
Don't say he's like me or I'll just feel bad for you. I already feel bad for Dex.
no subject
It's not just one person either. Here, read this impression. I've collected a lot of material over the years.
"As a brave knight, I cannot show my true feelings and burden others with them. I'm brave and tough and everyone is counting on me, so I must never fall below their expectations. To do that I must be like the steel I wield, never flinching, always ready to strike. I'm a very special man you see so I must be this way without flaw!"
Am I close?
[ she could probably do an entire routine of this bad act. but mostly she just wants to get over this incident and he always makes fun of her, so she may as well do the same to him. ]
no subject
[Now he's teasing, rather than any real tsun. He gets it, okay!!]
no subject
[ she's got your number asshole. ]
Anyway, since you're not going to be genuine with me, then I think you absolutely owe me that outing I spoke with you about before. No getting out of it. You and I are going to round up every person we can, and we're all going into the woods, and we're all going to bond, and we WILL become stronger for it!
no subject
Don't worry, I'm not trying to get out of it. But seriously, maybe you should reconsider calling me a friend. If you had to think about it, especially. It's not worth the headaches, you can ask anyone.
no subject
[ din, nayru, farore and hylia as her witnesses, everyone will have fun. ]
And see there you go again. Tell you what Guren. You decide. Do you want to be friends with me?
no subject
You already know that I do. It's not about what I want.
no subject
[ and not "love under duress" progress, actual true progress. maybe it was worth having her week ruined after all! ]
no subject
[HE'S GONE HE'S DONE THANKS FOR PLAYING he's too tired to put up with teasing]
1/2
Bye friend of mine! Yes, that's right fool, we're still friends.
For no matter how deeply infuriating you are as a person, you are also a good man at your core. In my eternal patience I can forgive your transgressions because I recognize your guilt and therefore your true nature. It's just the sort of person I was raised to be you see!
[ so yeah bYE ]
(no subject)
(no subject)